Stress and Fear

As the health of my family hits a rapid decline I'm filled with stress and fear at the though of being thousands of miles away. My mother has had a heart attack, my step father has a disease that is deteriorating his spine as well as intestinal issues, my grandpa Jack is getting a pace maker on Friday, my step grandma just had a hip replacement, etc....etc....How do I stand to be away from them? Especially my mom whom I am very close to. Every day I want to cry. I'm having trouble doing anything I have no motivation. I'm so full of confusion and of coarse Ken is in Alaska and I can't even call him. As usual when I'm most in need of someone I am all alone. I have been deep in prayer but everyday brings new issues and I just don't know which way to turn. I am sorry to you all that this is such a depressing post. I have just reached my boiling point and I feel that there is less of me to go around with each passing day. If I can just keep my head above the rising water, keep my children on the raft and just keep kicking. Then what?, there is no island in sight only rougher water and a darker sky.

Lord give me strength

Easter

Easter was fun we went to church with my mom and step dad then had a wonderful lunch with Ken's mom, step dad, grandmother and step grandfather. Then the kids enjoyed an Easter Egg huint.

Right now Ken is in Alaska at the property. He will stay there for a few days working on a new driveway and bringing in some gravel. I hope that the trip home will be a quick one. I miss his so very much.

The Next Phase

Well first off I'm giving up on using our middle names, so a warning to stalkers and all around creepy people: My husband and I are both armed I carry 44 hunting revolver and a 9mm glock with a 15 round mag. Dear hubby carries a 45 glock with high round mag. SO don't even think about messin with my cubs!

LOL....on another note :)

Ken is getting ready for the next run to Alaska. This trip will be the backhoe and dumptruck. He should be heading out Monday or Tuesday. Money is getting really tight so we may have to leave some stuff behind and come back for it once we get settled and build up some funds. My dad is on the ferrie right now on his way to Washington for his last trailer and then he will hop right back on the ferrie along with my brother in law Mike who will be driving up dad's Yukon. When the three of them get to the property they are going to spend a few days putting in a second driveway to make it easier to get the big trailers in and out. They will also be brining in gravel to make pads for parking everything. With one load not going up right away that means gthe kids and I should be heading up a little earlier.

A note on my Grandpa, he seems to be looking alot better. He will be having a pace maker put in here in a couple of weeks. He has been staying out here at the house with Grandma alot more wich has been nice.

This Sunday for Easter should be a busy day. I'm taking the kids to my mom's church for service then we are going to Ken's parents for lunch and an easter egg hunt. Ken doesn't want to go so he will be staying home getting the Semi ready for his trip. He will have to take it in Monday to have the windshield repaired. He is washing it with the pressure washer today and then he needs to do some work on the fuel tanks.

Well I was going to write a little more but the natives are not being very cooperative so I'll try again after Easter.

God Bless,

WOW so much to catch up on.

Sorry for the huge lag in posting we had some crazy busy weeks. I'll try to get everyone caught up.

The kids had a great birthday party with a large turn out of friends and family.

On the boys actual birthday 2 days earlier my good friends Peggy and Sue came out and we had a little mini party. It was great to see them, I hadn't seen them in a long time.

The next big event was my little brother comming home on leave. He is in the Navy and stationed on an Island near Iraq on anti-pirate duty. I think he had an ok visit maybe a little boring but he spent time with us and time with our sister. Oh and he decided to grow a beird. I'm so proud of him he has grown into such an awsome young man. I just wish he would take a little better care of his health.

Ray left for Alaska with a load of my dad's stuff on March 11th. Then we (my brother, kids, my mom, step dad, niece, nephew, sister, brother in law, niece2, nephew 2) went to the Arizona Renessaince Festival. We had a fun day especially Louise who was spoiled rotten. On the way home just after pulling out on Highway 60 we were rear ended. At first we thought only the bumper was damaged but it turns out that the frame is bent as well as other damage.

After that we had St. Patty's day dinner at my mom and step dad's. OOH how I love corned beef and cabage. YUM YUM!

OH and I almost forgot the boys got their first haircut. John didn't seem to care but Robert cryed.

My dad is on his way on the ferry back to Washington to pick up his last load and head back to AK then he will be up to stay. We on the other hand still have 4 loads to go and will not be up there to stay until May. The last load went well Ken left 3/11 @ 10am and came home 3/24 @ 2pm. He said there was alot of snow and ice and he had to really take it easy. We're glad to have him home but it wont last he is out loading up the flatbed now with the dump truck and backhoe to get ready to head out again mid week.

Well I hope that helps to get every one up to date and back on track. Hopefully it wont be as long between posts this time. :)

Hugs and Kisses to our family and friends and God Bless.

Washington

Grandpa Wayne is on his way to Washington with a load of stuff to put into storage. He will leave it there until March. In March he will head up with another load and take that load on the Ferry. When he gets back on the ferry he will not have enough time to drive back to AZ so he will pick up his load from storage and hop back on the ferry. Last night he called and he was just past Salt Lake City so he's making good time. He should be back next week on Monday or Tuesday.

We sold one of our small trailers and Ray is planning on delivering it today to a man in Pine. We've got almost all our stuff moved into the big trailer. There is room to spare. Now we need to really start stock pilling food. We hope to take at least a years supply of food up with us. We will buy things like bulk spices, powdered milk, pastas, etc... We already have several 5 gallon buckets of flour, sugar, corn meal, rice, and beans. We also need to start buying food items for Ray to eat on the road as he drives up the loads: Oatmeal, canned soups, granola bars, sandwich fixings, etc.... I need to place an Azure Standard CoOp order to get some bulk items such as poping corn. We also need to stalk up on things like shampoo, toothpaste, deoderant, toilet paper, paper towels, etc.... We really need to have enough food and supplies to last us about 2 years just incase. I think I would aslo like to order some seeds. Most of the supplies that we bring will be dried goods and not canned foods because the dried goods are much lighter.

A couple more weeks until the kids combo birthday party. It will be their last birthday with all the family. I'm really hoping that people will come. I'm saddened that Ray's Grandmother will not be there because she would rather go camping. Louise is having a Disney Ferries theme and the boys theme is tractors/farm. At this age being Louise's 3rd and the boys 1st birthdays they will not remember the party. The memories are more for us grown ups at this point. I was planning to do mexican food, but I found some cute ferrie themed receipts so I'm thinking of setting up a small table like a little tea party with some ferrie foods. It sounds cute but I doubt I will have the time to pull it off. Well time to get back to chores. I have dishes to wash and laundry to do.

Blessings

And so grows the fleet

Well first off I want to start by saying that I was trying not to use our names to protect the idetities of our children, but all this mommy/daddy stuff is getting anoing. Sooooo, I am going to start using names but the names will be changed to protect the innocent. I will use middle names so that family and friends know who I am talking about and if for some reason they don't they can ask me. Mommy is Sue, Daddy is Ray, Daughter is Louise, Twin A John, Twin B Robert, Grandpa Wayne. Ok now on to the real story.

The men folk brought home another semi truck. This one is a huge brown Mack with a double bunk stand up sleeper. The thing is just huge inside and very plush compared to the Freightliner. The guy left all his stuff in it so I'm trying to help clean it out. There is alot of trash, but also alot of useful stuff. I even found a magnifing glass that Louise has claimed. Then yesterday the men went to Phoenix again and this time they brought back another 45'trailer. Now we have to move our stuff from the 2 28' trailers into the 45'. Thats going to be a ton of fun (NOT).

Today with the help of my good friends Emilie and Johnathan we butchered 4 of our roosters. Now we have 4 fewer mouths to feed and some extra meat in the freezer. We kept one rooster just because he is so pretty I just didn't want to butcher him yet. The others were good looking birds as well but were a little older. The one that we kept is not even a year old. He is huge and black with some flecks of brown around his neck. His black feathers shimmer green and purple in the sunshine. He is huge and worked his way up to top bird very quickly with little resistance. It is always hard to take a life I'm glad that I was distracted by the kids when they were actually killed. Once they are dead I don't have any trouble plucking them and once they are plucked there is such little resmeblence to their former selves it is easy to not think about them as much as living creatures and more as a food source. Once they are clean it's like any other whole fryer you would buy at the grocery store. To me though at least the birds that we have butchered in the past seem to taste more like turkey then like the store bought chickens. They have a darker more flavorfull meat.

While the roosters were being handled the kids got to play with our friends kids. The two girls who are only six months apart had a good time. It was also nice to get to see our friends new baby girl who is so preciouse with a huge dipple in her tiny little cheek.

Thank goodness for my granny who is letting us stay at her place. She let me take a frozen pizza out of her freezer for dinner. Ray went off to help his friend work on his truck so it's just the kids and I and after all the business of the day I just don't feel like cooking. Then my wonderful uncle Jon came down to the trailer and brought me a case of Cherry Pepsi what a treat. I don't drink caffeen very often because I'm nursing the boys but when I do splurge a Cherry Pepsi makes a nice little treat. I'm really hoping that the boys will sleep well tonight. I'm so tired and worn out. I really need a good nights sleep and a deep tissue massage but for now I'll settle for the good nights sleep ;) Well since it's taken me almost 2 hours to write this while trying to do other things I guess I better give it a rest.

God Bless,

To Be Moved and Isolation

As of right now we have 2 28ft semi box trailers, 1 45ft semi box trailer, 1 step deck semi trailer, 4 bumper pull trailers, 1 gooseneck, 1 5th wheel and all our vehicles. Daddy and Grandpa have been looking into buying another semi. The one that they have now is not real powerful and is old and tired. They want one with a double sleeper and more powerful engine. It's amazing all the stuff that we have to move. We keep trying to go through the stuff and get rid of things that we don't need but it seems like what we are down to at this point is stuff that either is sentimental like photos or things that would cost less to haul than they would to replace like our beds and such. We also have alot of stuff that we will need to use up there like fishing gear, hunting gear, solar pannels, and other survival gear.

We'll see if they can find something. It would be nice for them if they could find one not only for the move but because they want to work driving truck in Alaska. The cheif of the local village has already made a handshake deal with them to use them as the driver for the village. Right now that is the only derect work lead they have. Other than that it will probably be alot of small side jobs and craft sales.

Grandpa does alot of traveling and sells reenactment stuff. From handmade indian jewlery to tents and wool blankets etc.... My mom (Nana) and I had started a business at one point selling crafted baby items; clothing, toys, blankets, etc.... We could never find the right niche in our area but one of my older sisters started selling some of our stuff online for us and that has been nice. I'm hoping that some of the crochet stuff will sell better in Alaska were there is a higher demand for warmer clothes for kids and babies. I would also like to produce some income from farm fresh eggs and goats milk. Since the nearest grocery store is 160 miles from the village I am hoping that some of the locals will be interested in the eggs and milk.

I know I keep saying this over and over but I can't wait for this move to be over. The stress is just so overwhelming. I have days were I just want to cry. At the same time though I am so afraid of isolation. As it is Daddy doesn't let me (mama) do much of anything. I'm not really allowed to go anywere or do anything accept to the grocery store. Once we get moved to Alaska the grocery store will be a once every couple of months or so thing. Even the village is 16 miles away so it will be hard to convince Daddy to even let me go into the village for anything. I don't want the kids or myself to be isolated. The kids especially need to learn to be social I don't want them to be socially handicaped.

Blessings